Empowered Alone
Moving Beyond Transactional Relationships to True Connection
In today’s culture, relationships often feel like an exchange—a transaction dressed up as something more. Too often, I see women offering beauty and sexuality in return for security, affection, or even validation, while men trade their power, labor, or wealth for intimacy or the appearance of control. These patterns, though not universal, weave themselves into many of our interactions, making relationships feel like an elaborate trade rather than the genuine connection so many of us crave.
But there’s another way to approach relationships, one that is based on patience, self-awareness, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and our desires. It requires stepping out of the transactional mindset and embracing a more deliberate, thoughtful approach. For me, that began with cultivating self-discipline and finding contentment within myself, without relying on a partner to fulfill those needs.
One of the most profound changes I made was giving myself time—time to pause, reflect, and discern whether a connection was based on mutual respect and shared values or simply blind lust. I gave myself three months as a guideline before taking any relationship to a sexual place. It wasn’t about creating rules but rather allowing the space needed to see if something genuine existed beyond surface attraction. This kind of patience fosters a deeper understanding of what we truly want in a connection, helping us avoid slipping into the familiar traps of transactional exchanges.
Developing self-discipline became key. I realized that to break free from these power imbalances, I needed to learn to sit with my own desires without acting on them impulsively. For example, I did 90 days of no PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) to confront and overcome my own sex addiction. This period gave me the time and space to reset and reconnect with my own sexuality in a healthy, non-reactive way.
Outside of that time, when I was more at peace with my sexual energy, I turned to high-quality sex toys to maintain a sense of normalcy. While I recognize that sex toys are not nearly as mind-blowing as the real McCoy, they’re helpful, especially when combined with regular massages to keep the body and mind in a relaxed, balanced state. This combination allowed me to meet my sexual needs without feeling like I was chasing physical gratification or external validation. It helped reinforce that my pleasure was mine to cultivate, separate from the need for a partner.
Through all of this, I discovered something profound: when you find contentment with being alone, you find your power. The power to walk away from and cease reaching for anything that isn’t wholly right for you. There’s a quiet strength in this—the kind of strength that changes the way you approach relationships, making you less vulnerable to the transactional traps that once felt inevitable.
As I stepped back from initiating encounters with women I found myself attracted to, I experienced a profound shift in the power dynamic. After messaging and approaching thousands of women and facing rejection after rejection, I realized it was time to flip the script. I chose to stop reaching out entirely, embracing a Sadie-Hawkins approach—waiting patiently, even if it meant waiting for nothing. It was about reclaiming my power by not playing into a game that no longer served me. Interestingly, every woman I’ve since connected with has been the one to make the first move, drawn to me through my posts or profile. This shift not only balanced the power dynamics but also created space for deeper, more authentic encounters.
This approach may not work for everyone, but it’s a way of moving toward relationships that are less about what we can get from each other and more about genuine connection, free from the old transactional games. It’s about reclaiming our power, stepping into who we are without the need to trade our worth for intimacy, and allowing space for something real to emerge.
When we stop playing the game, we invite a different kind of interaction—one that’s rooted in respect, trust, and patience. It’s not about withholding or manipulating; it’s about standing firm in who we are and letting the right connections flow to us naturally. It’s about recognizing that we have everything we need within ourselves, and in doing so, we create the conditions for real, meaningful relationships to grow.
I know a younger me would have appreciated these words. I hope you do too.
Note:
Words imperfectly capture truth. What I write is imperfect by nature, but those words point toward a perfect truth that is beyond the limitations of language or mental comprehension.
Published content continues to evolve and improve over time. First drafts are released, and I welcome any constructive feedback: edits, factual corrections, or content suggestions.
Exact words and identifying characteristics such as pronouns or names are redacted or changed for any writers who have not given me written permission to identify them or use their writing.
